Why Is My Baby Crying? A Parent's Guide

I once had a baby in my baby massage class whose cry was so piercing, so different from her usual grumbles, that every parent in the room turned round. It turned out she had a hair tourniquet wrapped round her toe: a single strand of hair, invisible unless you looked closely, cutting off her circulation. Mum found it, sorted it in seconds, and the cry stopped instantly. I tell you that story not to scare you, but because it's the perfect example of something I say to parents all the time. You already know your baby's cries better than you think you do. That mum knew, the second she heard it, that this cry was different. She just needed a reason to trust that instinct. The "usual suspects" Most crying isn't a mystery once you get to know your baby. The common ones tend to be: The feeding cry. Often starts low and builds, sometimes with rooting or hands to mouth. The tired cry. Grizzly, rubbing eyes, going a bit floppy or over-stimulated. The windy cry. Pulling knees up, going red in the face, sudden and sharp. The bored cry. A whingy, on and off cry that stops the second you pick them up or change the scenery. The pain cry. Sudden, high-pitched, doesn't build gradually like the others, and often doesn't respond to your usual soothing. So, do tears mean pain? Not necessarily, no. Newborns often cry without full tears for the first few weeks, because their tear ducts are still maturing. So no tears doesn't mean "not upset," and tears don't automatically mean "in pain." What tells you more is the sound and pattern of the cry, not whether there's water involved. How do I actually tell? Honestly, it comes with time and repetition. You will get to know your own baby's cries faster than any list I give you. But a few things are worth trusting: A cry that's sudden, sharp, and doesn't build up gradually is worth investigating properly. Check top to toe, including fingers and toes, for anything wrapped round them (yes, really, it happens more than you'd think). A cry that doesn't settle with your usual tricks (feed, wind, cuddle, change) deserves a proper look rather than another lap of the room. Trust the moment you think, "that's not her normal cry." That flicker of instinct is data. Don't talk yourself out of it. When crying gets too much for you This is the bit I really want you to hear. It's completely normal for your baby to cry a lot, especially between two and eight weeks, and it's completely normal for that to wear you down. There's a simple plan used across the NHS called ICON: I: Infant crying is normal, and it will stop. C: Comforting methods can help. O: It's OK to walk away, once your baby is safe (in their cot or on the floor, anywhere secure), so you can take a few minutes for yourself. N: Never, ever shake a baby. If you've checked feeding, wind, temperature and nappy, and your baby is safe and settled somewhere, but you feel yourself getting to the edge, put them down and step away. That is not failing. That is exactly what you're supposed to do. Call 999 or 111 if your baby has a cry that sounds unusual and high pitched alongside a fever, floppiness, difficulty breathing, a rash that doesn't fade under a glass, or if they're not feeding at all. Always trust your gut here. You will not be wasting anyone's time. You're doing better than you think. Every parent I've ever supported has, at some point, stood in a dark room at 3am wondering if they're getting it wrong. You're not. You're just getting to know a brand new person, one cry at a time. Eva x

Eva Levinson is a part-time Postnatal Midwifery Assistant & Infant Feeding Specialist for the NHS, a Doula UK trained postnatal doula, and an Ofsted/HSE compliant first aid instructor. She runs And Chillax in Anerley, South London.